It's May

I woke up at 3:57 this morning because my CPAP mask was making noise. Do I get up? Roll over? Fr. James, a former Spiritual Director, once told me, “If you wake up after 4, get up and pray.” Okay, 3:57 was calling it close. What to do? Well, I figured I might as well use the bathroom and then try to catch just a few more winks!

That didn’t work. I was wide awake.

I lay there, and my thoughts went to so many things going on in my life. As I’ve mentioned previously, I’m working on two books, a children’s Advent devotional and a memoir. There’s a lot to do after you write your story that I had no clue about. It takes research, time, and a lot of patience as I seem to have a slightly slower learning curve than I did in my, shall I say, 50’s? Regardless of when I peaked, it takes me a little longer these days to navigate technology. Then there’s meeting with editors and deciding on illustrations, on fonts, colors, the book covers; well, it goes on and on. You get my drift. So many decisions.

I was also thinking about my health. Crying, actually. I got over the flu in time to pick up a nasty bacterial and mold infection in my new lungs! I know, right? When does the wheel stop spinning? So now I’m on more meds, and they are watching me. Let’s trust that God is just asking me for a little more humility and NOT to do any more gardening. I promise I won’t because I’ve learned it can kill me! But do please pray for this to go away. Anyway, I was lying there having a pity party (once again) and missing my Benny. I just needed so badly an arm around me, and a hand to rub my back while telling me shhhh, it’ll be all right.

Photo by Jennifer Kalenberg on Unsplash

And then it came to me as I lay there, half asleep, half awake. Mary, my heavenly Mother, was inviting me into her arms. Her hand came around my back, and she quietly rubbed it and shushed me, telling me in a whisper it will be alright. I saw myself holding a crying baby, my hand resting on its back as I soothed it with my strokes. Shhhh, I said, and the child’s cries soon fell away. It was such a sweet and tender moment! I quieted too, and rested. Then my mind became active again, thinking about how I had been doing so well with exercise and feeling good before the flu. Now this. I was exasperated! But if I hadn’t gotten the flu, I might not have coughed, and that yuck in my lungs would have gone untreated! What if it had grown and grown? Coughing identified the yuck.

Wait, was that God making good out of bad?

Romans 8:28 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

He could use what I got myself into (catching the flu) to identify what was starting to grow in my precious lungs! Oh my! If you have faith, I think you’d agree. Just saying….

Distracted now, more thoughts kept running through my head about recent events, and I grew frustrated, wondering when it would stop. Once more, I felt Mary’s pull, her gentle touch and the shhhhh, which quieted me. The pressures evaporated, and peace came. One day at a time. These were words I repeated to myself after the transplant, when it was so hard to do just about everything. One thing at a time. There’s no race or need to multitask. You are who you are, and you take care of people. I will take care of you. Use your life experiences to become the daughter the Father made you to be. You have gifts, but also weaknesses. With humility and grace, accept and trust in God’s plan.

What can you say after you’ve heard that? Only that it must be heaven-sent.

I rolled out of bed a short time later and took on the day. I made sure to put on my battle-ready gear of prayer and finished by saying to God, whatever you’ve got, let’s do it together. Mom’s got a surefire way to calm me down. We’ll get through it!

Happy Mother’s Day this weekend to all the ladies out there, both biological and spiritual mothers!